Greetings from Iraq

Photography by Jayel Aheram.

Greetings from the Cradle of Civilization!

At the moment, the place I will be in the next seven months does not even come close to the word “civilization.” More like “a-giant-ate-a-tent-factory-and-had-diarrhea-right-here.” Ooh! Ooh! There are some places in here where the “sand” is not even sand. It is just giant mounds of dust. You step into it and you sink and it goes POOF all over the place. Just DUST. It is crazy. It is just powder all over the place.

They have showers in here and I am using it at least two times a day. It is one luxury I intend to abuse. They have no chow hall here, but have some sort of building with tables in it. The food is prepared by a staff sergeant and two corporals. Sometimes we get this AWESOME steak. We are not eating “t-rations” but something a bit better.

Speaking of chow halls, SWEET MOTHER OF GOD. The chow halls in Kuwait and Al-Asad are just FANTASTIC. And get this, the ARMY base in Kuwait is WAY better than the one back home! SO much food and so much choices! SO MUCH. It was nothing I have ever seen.

The chow hall in Al-Asad is guarded by Somalian mercenaries. A private contractor went to Somalia and hired these guys as guards. Their weapons are in condition 1 (round in chamber, magazine inserted, ready to shoot) and they will shoot anyone who tries to enter the chow hall or the PX or the MWR areas without an ID. I almost witnessed an incident. Freaking trigger-happy Somalians!

Anyway, I am fine and everything. More later!

PS: Someone spread this rumor I had a “thick Coca-Cola can sized penis, 6 inches but very thick!” And now everyone believes it. WHAT THE FU—?!

PPS: The PX only comes here once every 3 months.